Tomorrow Elephant

I rarely comment on happenings in politics involving Finland, since I’m just too far away to keep abreast of things properly (and Finnish politics is known for its dullness – we can’t help being the least corrupt country in the world ), but the recent attacks on Finnish gastronomy by what appears to be a Franco-Italian coalition are just too rich and infuriating to let go quietly.

It all started with some strange and offensive remarks from Silvio Berlusconi (whose odd sense of humor should not be news to anybody). After Italy beat Finland to host the new European Food Safety Authority, Berlusconi said:

“I’ve been to Finland and I had to endure the Finnish diet so I am in a position to make a comparison,” Berlusconi told local dignitaries ahead of the inauguration of the EFSA in the northern Italian town of Parma.

The 68-year-old media tycoon also said he had used his masculine charm to persuade Finland’s president, Tarja Halonen, to give up her country’s claim to host the European Union agency.

“I had to use all my playboy tactics, even if they have not been used for some time,” said Berlusconi.

President Halonen (one of our most popular presidents ever, with an 89% approval rating and surely set to win a second term in the upcoming election; think Moominmamma with razor-sharp political claws) seemed to think that Berlusconi had overestimated his charm.

“As a lady I am used to working with different men and I don’t always notice their charm. But I am very much a woman of equality,” she added, smiling.

For the sake of honesty I have to report that our prime minister Matti Vanhanen (a recent divorcee but generally known for being very straight and narrow, in spite of his recent attempts to lift his profile for the upcoming presidential campaign by appearing at a gig of 69 Eyes in Japan) made this comment following the debacle:

In Helsinki, Finnish Prime Minister Matti Vanhanen said: “The matter is closed; I have nothing against Italian food; I love spaghetti, as long as it’s not too spicy.”

Sigh.

But never mind. I can happily dismiss Berlusconi and chuckle: he’s a buffoon, although probably the most powerful buffoon in Europe. But what really shocked me today was that Jaques Chirac joined Berlusconi in deriding our cuisine. Whilst joking with Putin and Gerhard Schroeder during a meeting in Kaliningrad, Chirac said:

“One cannot trust people [the British] who have such bad cuisine. After Finland, it is the country where people eat the worst food,” Mr Chirac was quoted as saying by Libération.

“The only thing they [the British] have done for European agriculture is the mad cow,” he added.

Ookay. So maybe we don’t have prosciutto, or escargot. But worse food than Britain? That’s too much. Certainly, we can’t compete with the British celebrity chefs and admittedly, most of our food is down-to-earth, meat-and-potatoes (pretty much literally) type stuff. Still, there are excellent cheeses, world-class mushrooms, smoked reindeer and salmon. And more importantly, I’d say that the daily meals Joe Average eats are much, much healthier than in Britain, Europe’s biggest consumer of potato crisps. Unlike here, there’s not much of a junk food culture, school lunches are both of superb quality, healthy and free. (Compare this to Scotland and England: it breaks my heart to see the little kiddies in their uniforms running down the street with their chips and pizza slices in greasy wrapping, it really does. Go Jamie Oliver!)

Actually, thinking about homemade food makes me hungry. Mm, rye bread. I would kill for rye bread.

It’s funny how living abroad enflames one’s patriotic sentiments, sometimes…